This is the first and only chapter written by 12-year-old me from a book I wanted to write about a wolf pup. This chapter basically consists of the newly born wolf, in first person narrative, eating and peeing and drowning. My favorite quote: “I could almost feel the liquid inside of me go down lower until I was suddenly relieved from all pain. My hind leg was wet and my mother used her tongue to wipe up the mess as I realized what happened.” There is such poetry in peeing.
Anyway, enjoy this embarrassing chapter which I titled “Senseless.”
I was in a world of darkness. I could hear nothing, see nothing, and smell nothing. The only sensation I had was touch. I wormed my body, hoping to relieve come of my aching muscles but with little satisfaction. A cold breeze lifted the fur on my head and back. A splatter of water touched the tip of my muzzle. Another one fell on the top of my head, sending tiny splinters of ice cold pain through my brittle bones. A set of clean, warm jaws picked me up by the nape of my neck and placed me into a warmer place. The water had stopped falling in this place, but my fur still felt damp.
I wiggled around to feel my surroundings. The floor of this place was hard and rocky. And cold. As soon as I moved, I wished I hadn’t. My stomach lost all feeling as the iciness seeped into my skin. I felt something come from deep within my stomach. It made my throat vibrate. It must have been some sort of signal because at once the same set of jaws grabbed me and placed me back in the warm place.
I felt a deep pounding sound coming from my right. It moved through my body, like the vibrations of a bass drum. I moved towards it and ran into a wall. Or at least what I thought was a wall. It was warm and soft. I nestled into the wall and felt the same pounding sound only much closer. I realized at once that this was no wall, but the same being that I was. A much bigger being. Her stomach moved up and down to the rhythm of her heart, filling with air and releasing gently. Just as I had found this wonderful place, someone nudged me out of the way. I felt the blood pulsing through veins and arteries and knew that it must be another one- a litter mate. As soon as I was pushed away from what could only be my mother I felt a strange sense of weariness cloud over me. I felt a faint breeze tickle my fur and I shivered violently. I tried frantically to find my mother’s warm fur, but all I found was the bitter feel of the floor beneath me. I made the sound, which I could not hear, again with my stomach and instantly I found myself being maneuvered into the air by a pair of jaws. The breath on my neck felt almost as good as my mother’s stomach.
Blindly, I found my way to my mother, using very ounce of strength I could muster. I nestled deeply into her long fur and was engulfed in blackness. A different kind of blackness, the kind of unconsciousness.
I woke up, letting something come through my throat, a kind of screech. A sharp pain sent shivers down my spine. At first it started in my stomach, a kind of emptiness. It then went through my whole body, causing my limbs to ache. My stomach contracted violently and my head throbbed uncontrollably. A burning fire lit in my throat, the kind that smoldered but never went completely out. I could no longer move the tip of my tail or even squirm for that matter. My heartbeat was slower than usual. I felt sure that I was dying.
As I was thinking these morbid thoughts, something warm nudged me from behind. I was pushed gently until I knocked into the warm wall again. My mother. I could feel vibrations pulsating beside me. Another nudge pushed me deeper into the warm fur of my mother. Something else besides skin and fur was there. It was a kind of rubbery material, coated in something like velvet. Instincts told me to taste whatever it was. I opened my mouth and was greeted by the wonderful texture of milk. It trickled into my mouth and I swallowed greedily. My mouth became moist and my throat instantly felt relief. I sucked until my small stomach was filled to the brim. I let out a small sigh that I couldn’t hear. All the pain was gone and I was left with a sort of contentment.
I huddled closer to my mother and fell asleep to the soothing feel of her tongue brushing against my fur.
When I woke, I was aware of my mother’s heartbeat next to my fur. Several other heartbeats filled my bones and sent vibrations through my chest. I counted five small heartbeats all considerably close to my own not including my mother’s deeper thud, thud. The heartbeats seamed to echo off the walls of the den and bounce back to me quickly. I realized that the room we were in must have been quite small. I felt safer, somehow, knowing we were all tightly packed together in a small area. Although I had no sense of anything but touch, I knew quite a lot about my surroundings.
A few minutes after waking up, the small pain in the center of my stomach started back up again. It was like something was eating away at my soft tissue. Once again, I let out a shriek of pain, my legs tightening up. However, no one was around to hear my cries. Either that or I had made no sound at all. I couldn’t be sure, as my sense of hearing hadn’t arrived yet.
I was close to my mother, so I knew what I needed to find. I pressed my tiny muzzle up against her stomach and found the velvety rubber once more. The hot liquid filled my mouth and seemed to fall straight into my awaiting stomach. Soon enough, I was filled with the silky milk I so loved.
A new sensation riddled me. I felt as if too much liquid was held in my body, like I might burst. I let a small sound come from my body. Judging by the feel of the echo, it was a very quiet sound. Almost like a hushed cry. My stomach hurt, but this time it wasn’t because of hunger pains. My hunger was completely satisfied…too satisfied. It felt as if something was pushing against my stomach, trying to get out. I lay down against my mother and pawed her gently, squealing loudly. The next thing I knew, she was brushing her rough tongue against my body, comforting me, I thought. However, the brushing was almost like a pushing. I could almost feel the liquid inside of me go down lower until I was suddenly relieved from all pain. My hind leg was wet and my mother used her tongue to wipe up the mess as I realized what happened.
I was surprised instincts didn’t tell me about that one. I was such a young thing and I still had so much more to learn. My mother gave me one good lick on the head and I felt a thump, knowing she had laid her head back down.
I felt the floor shake just slightly and realized my littermates must be just as hungry as I once was. I maneuvered myself closer to my mother’s heart where I could feel the pounding deeper, where it made my whole body jostle ever so faintly. I liked being close to her heart for a reason I didn’t even know. It made me relax and feel warmer. Her heartbeat was something I could use to make myself fall asleep. Just feeling it made me sleepy.
It seemed all I ever did from the time I was born was drink and sleep. If this was how life normally was, I could definitely get used to it. The wonderful pleasure of sleeping never ceased to amaze me. One moment, I was wide awake, trying to figure out my surroundings, and the next, unconsciousness had covered my brain, plunging me into darkness.
I was enclosed in water. I could no longer breath as I was dunked repeatedly into the icy, black river. Water filled every crevice of my body. My nose, my eyes, my ears, all filled with nothing but water. My life lost all its meaning. I didn’t care that I was dying. I had an odd sense of knowing. I felt as if I knew this was going to happen. I was pulled up from the river and gasped for air but no oxygen came into my lungs, instead I was again immersed in the raging water. The jaws that were dunking me, forgot about being careful. The large, powerful, teeth cut through my thick fur and into my skin. A trickle of blood flowed along the river.